If you have no basis of comparison to what it’s like dating today
verses many years ago, read on.
Back in the day, you met your partner primarily through school,
religious activities, involvement in other community services, or
through introduction to a friend or family member. Today, go on line
and view the dating sites to see how people hook up.
Choice is a good thing, but when the choices are too numerous to count
(such as in the case of on-line-dating), it can become confusing.
Having counseled many singles (getdatingready.com), I find that we
live in a disposable dating society. Especially compared to “back in
the day” when there weren’t as many singles to choose from.
What does that all mean? It means, in many cases–easy “elimidation.”
That’s right. If you are too short, too fat, if your nose, your toes,
your hair, your clothes are not quite right, there is another button
to press and another profile to jump to. FURTHERMORE, if the “date”
doesn’t go well first round, why bother to explore and see if there is
more to the person than meets the superficial eye when there is
another potential right around the corner. That is not to say, of
course that if there is no chemistry, and no mental, spiritual, and
other important connections that you should force yourself to go on
another date. Of course not. However, today we are quick to switch
if things are not perfect, or close to.
Aside from internet dating, there are other complications. Men, in
general want sex without commitment. They want to try out the goods
before they sign up, but unfortunately the easy conquer often ends up
undervalued (after all, we are animals underneath, and we like to
chase our prey). Women on the other hand, need to be cherished and
desire commitment before intimacy, and are disillusioned when men
either pass them up because they won’t “deliver the goods” or dump
them for being too quick to jump in the sack. It becomes a no win
situation. What is left out of the formula is TIME to get to know the
person. TIME to get to know the CHARACTER, background, values,
ethics, morals, life goals, etc.
The dating rules and roles (who pays, when do we have sex, how long do
we know each other before we stop dating others) is inconsistent, and
many don’t know how to act in the face of these nebulous “rules.”
Dating today and in the yesteryears has always been a challenge.
Finding Mr. or Ms. right is one of the biggest decisions a person can
make. No one wants to go through a breakup or divorce, or worse, stay
in a bad relationship or marriage. However, today we have numbers,
unknown rules, and on top of that, an increase in incurable sexually
transmitted diseases to contend with.
If you are single and are serious about being in a long term committed
relationship, nothing can substitute for getting to know the person in
front of you over time and many shared experiences. But don’t let
“the grass is greener on the other side” syndrome deter you from
focusing on one or just a very few quality people at a time.
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